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Unflounce?

will73
It probably shouldn't surprise anybody that my de-flouncing post requires several bullet points. It's how my brain works, okay?

1. Howdy, y'all! I had a fab break from fandom, and I'm happy to be back! No, truly.

2. As some of you noticed, I'd set all comments to be screened while I was away. I wasn't planning on checking LJ, and I didn't want some bizarre flamewar breaking out while I wasn't there to monitor it. I did decide to go in every once and a while to unscreen comments because there were some people having discussions. I'm not planning on replying to any comments that were left during my hiatus, though.

3. I don't know if I'm gonna get caught up on my flist. Probably not. If you wrote something awesome while I was hiatusing, throw a link at me in comments.



4. If you want to read the introspective-y reasons behind the hiatus, it's under the cut. Otherwise, ignore it.

Honestly, whenever I find myself ranting against Buffy-hate or the whitewashing of Spike, I'm primarily ranting against...myself. Well, against opinions I used to have. That make me cringe now.

Cause I used to be solely a Spike girl. I only saw things from his POV, and I vilified Buffy to a large extent. It took a while for my Buffy-love to develop, but it did. And it developed in addition to my Spike-love, not at its expense.

So now, it's like I have two pairs of glasses. My Spike-glasses where I can see things from his viewpoint and where I understand the motivations behind his actions and sympathize with him. And there are my Buffy-glasses where I do the same with her. One thing I love about S6 is how Buffy and Spike are on two completely different journeys, yet they collide together anyway. It's impossible to view the whole picture from only one pair of glasses.

But since the glasses are separate objects, situations arise where I may sympathize with Buffy in a way that puts Spike in a bad light (or vice-versa). Well, that's cause I'm using my Buffy-glasses, and whatever Spike did, it affected her in a negative way. In the next sentence, I could switch to my Spike-glasses to grok and sympathize with his side of the story.

Okay, this is meandering, isn't it? Right then. The hiatus was the result of a lot of colliding things. A tough semester, bad health problems, stupid insurance people, and fandom being a not-so-fun environment at the time. My defense of Buffy rant prompted some responses that, frankly, annoyed the fuck out of me. I hate how fandom sees the need to polarize into "Spike fans" and "Buffy fans" in Spuffy fandom, and I hate how Spike fans defensively react against any perceived threat (even when...there's no threat). I know the reasons. I know the bile that gets thrown at Spike fans. I've defended Spike, myself. But this defensive reaction results in a need to tiptoe around anything that may be seen as dissing on Spike, even a sympathetic defense of Buffy that doesn't at all say a bad word about Spike.

I'm...well, I'm a frank person. I don't like passive-aggressiveness or dancing around subjects. Not to say I'm not polite, but there's a way to be polite while still being honest and to-the-point (Well...there's a way not to be rude about it). So let me attempt that feat and say that I hate having to tiptoe around the Spike persecution complex. Again, I know why it's there. I can't really blame anyone for it being there. But it's a pain in the ass when a post that's really not about Spike at all triggers such a response.

It's tiring in the long-term. And I knew from my initial reaction to the whole thing that I was strung out on fandom. I was considering a hiatus the morning after having written that rant, and as my annoyance only grew, I hit the point where I knew I needed a break.

Cause fandom is supposed to be fun. And I wasn't having fun. And I was starting to feel like I was becoming far too bitchy, which is always a sure sign that I need to take a breather.

I'm not saying all this this in any prescriptive capacity. I don't expect fandom to change. It doesn't have to. The hiatus was for me because I was stressed.

I'm just explaining my reasons because I received some curious inquiries from people. If you want to boil it all down to a simple sentence, it can be summed up as follows: I was stressed and fandom started sucking for me. Yep.





5. Clarifying a couple points about the Buffy rant that were apparently up for dispute.

I didn't want to draw much attention to the initial discussion that prompted the rant because the commenter clarified some of what she had said, and I don't like to spotlight people like that. So I generalized the rant to address common sentiments I'd seen around Spuffy fandom, and to address opinions I used to have. However, the rant was very much against Buffy-bashing. In the discussion that prompted the rant, Buffy was accused of, among other things, "playing the victim" by flinching at Spike in Beneath You. That crosses the line into an unreasonable attack for me. There also existed criticisms that should have been made towards the writers but were put on Buffy's head, instead. Again, that crosses a line for me.

Criticism of Buffy is very much 'allowed' (As if I had fandom-wide power over that). Criticisms of Buffy were brought up in the very comment section of the rant and were not perceived as attacks. I'm always up for debate, and if you take issue with anything I say, call me on it. Seriously.

The rant was not an imperative for people to like Buffy, nor was it intended to chastise people who do not like her. You like who you like. The rant was, basically, exactly what it said it was: a defense of the Buffster against opinions the likes of which I used to hold that I now feel are unfair or unreasonable.

And, most especially, the rant was not meant to further dichotomize the either/or Spike-fan/Buffy-fan 'division' of Spuffy fandom. Quite the opposite. The rant was intended to drive home the point that liking and sympathizing with Buffy is not mutually exclusive with liking and sympathizing with Spike. The fact that it was seen as a "point" for Buffy-fans pissed me off beyond measure (because it ignores the fact that I'm also a Spike-fan, and it's a sign of that Spike persecution complex that the mere act of defending Buffy is seen as something that sends Spike-fans underground).





6. I suppose it's hypocritical to speak of frankness while only subtly alluding to what I mean.

Okay, I did say I like to be upfront, and veiled references always piss me off. So I'll fess up and say that it was rahirah's post in reaction to the rant that annoyed the fuck out of me. That likely says more about me than it does about the post, because, as I mentioned somewhere upwind in this post, I was on a short fuse and the mere fact that I was getting so irritated was a sign to me that I needed a break from fandom.

I'll say this, though, that I've had instances in the past where people try to read passive-aggressiveness or ulterior motives into my posts. So let me just say: DON'T. I don't mean much more than...exactly what I'm saying (unless it's a satirical post, and I try to make those semi-obvious). A rant against Buffy-bashers is nothing more than a rant against Buffy-bashers. It's not a fandom-wide call to arms to disallow criticism against Buffy or anything of that sort. If you're having to "read into" what I'm saying, you're probably missing the point.



7. Yes, I missed a Sunday linkspam and the Tuesday episode poll (Though I suppose I could go ahead and do the episode poll today...but I won't). I considered doing both of them since they're prepared ahead of time, and it's not much of a bother to post them. But I was trying to stay away from LJ altogether, so I opted to just leave it be. They will return, and next Tuesday we'll be polling over School Hard.

8. I've been attempting to get my fiction-writing-muse back in order. This involves drabbling! Don't know if I'll post any of the drabbles as they're a little random and more exercises than anything else. But I hope to get a start on some of my WIPs I have lying around. *sigh*

Comments

( 59 comments — Leave a comment )
xlivvielockex
May. 25th, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm glad you're back but I totally understand, support, and agree with the whys you took the hiatus. Sometimes, we just need a break. I've raged, cried, etc over fandom before and sometimes, you just have to step back.

I still think you're awesome and I'm glad it was a temporary hiatus because no matter what, you're awesome and I want to read your thinky thoughts and have you on my flist for me to flirt with. LOL
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)
*hugs back*

Yeah. I could tell by my reactions that fandom was getting to me way too much. That's a sign I need to chill and take some time off.

But I can't stay away too long cause...ya know...iloveyouguysosmuch!!!
(Deleted comment)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
*g* I've been saving up thoughts!

Also, thanks for the link you sent me. I realize I never replied but I did read it and, well, boggle (and *headdesk*).
beer_good_foamy
May. 25th, 2010 07:36 pm (UTC)
*hugs* We all need a break sometimes. Glad you're back. Have a penguin.



Edited at 2010-05-25 07:39 pm (UTC)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:44 pm (UTC)
OMG! The penguin busted out some leet ninja skillz!!! *love*
penny_lane_42
May. 25th, 2010 07:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, good! That didn't last nearly as long as I was fearing it would! You said "hiatus" and I pictured long, joyless weeks without you guiding us into deep discussions of feminism and without silly polls--you know, a general lack of awesome.

So I'm pleased you're back. :D

I also love your glasses metaphor, because I have both pairs, too. Actually, I have bifocals of the Spuffy variety which let me see things from both of their perspectives and let me love both of them to death. *huggles the poor, broken, pretty little kids* I don't see why I should have to choose one or the other, and I'm not going to do so. I'm going to continue with the whole loving both of them thing that I do.

Also, your thoughts about being incredibly Spike-centric at first and then learning to love Buffy? Yeah, that's what happened to me, too.
eilowyn
May. 25th, 2010 07:44 pm (UTC)
*Loves on both Lauren and Gabs because I WORD everything she just said, and her welcome back makes my pithy comment sound, well, pithy*
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eilowyn
May. 25th, 2010 07:42 pm (UTC)
Welcome back! Glad to see the hiatus is over (that's just me being selfish and missing your wit), but I totally understand why you took it. Hope you're back in action with the thinky-thoughts soon!
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
Don't know about thoughts, but I've been crunching some numbers! Yay! Stats! :)
shipperx
May. 25th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
Sorry that what I said contributed. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

Glad to have you back.
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:48 pm (UTC)
Honestly, don't worry about it. It's more a 'My Issue' thing than anything else. :)
hkath
May. 25th, 2010 07:47 pm (UTC)
Woohoo! Oh, thank goodness you're back. I think my brain started shrinking while you were gone ;)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:50 pm (UTC)
*g*

:)
elisi
May. 25th, 2010 07:50 pm (UTC)
Welcome back! :)

I think the problem with an 'old' fandom (especially this *particular* fandom) is that there's a lot of stuff that's very triggery and people just... default to the barricades.

Although on the plus side lots of us decided to opt out altogether and just sit around on the backporch (something that was inspired by Barb's post btw. *g*).

As for stuff happening, then I've started posting the sequel to my S/B/A fic. :)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 07:56 pm (UTC)
Although on the plus side lots of us decided to opt out altogether and just sit around on the backporch (something that was inspired by Barb's post btw. *g*).

Actually, that also irritated me because it was people opting out in reaction to...me defending Buffy. *sigh* I just hate that a defense of a character is seen as an attack on another (or the fans of that other character).

As for stuff happening, then I've started posting the sequel to my S/B/A fic. :)

Oooh! Will check out! :)

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2maggie2
May. 25th, 2010 08:10 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you are back, and am very sorry if I compounded your difficulties. I'm trying to be quieter/mellower these days, but it doesn't always work.
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 08:32 pm (UTC)
No worries. It's something I'm over-sensitive about. :)
prophecygirrl
May. 25th, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)
I'm thinking of marketing a whole "fandom should be fun" line of merchandise -- coffee mugs, needlepoint pillows, laptop cozies. I would make a mint, because and then donate the money to a therapy fund for all of us. Because we've all been there at one point or another, even if it's for different reasons. Doesn't make it any less true, though.

Or I could just save myself all that work say I'm glad you're back and feeling better. :D
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 08:33 pm (UTC)
Hee! Yes! Fandom is for funtimes! If you're not having fun, then it's best to take a break. *nods*
me_llamo_nic
May. 25th, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC)
Welcome back! =D

Hope the hiatus was helpful.

Bit depressed about the lack of an episode poll, but I think I can survive for a week. (Just don't go two or I might start having withdrawals.)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 08:35 pm (UTC)
See, this is all part of my diabolical plot to build suspense for the uber-awesome School Hard poll. Next week, I plan to have a convenient "accident" on Monday that prevents me from posting the poll on Tuesday. Mwahahaha!
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local_max
May. 25th, 2010 08:32 pm (UTC)
Welcome back! I was concerned that your Buffy-post seems to have led to badness. Fandom is a tough place, because people are so attached to their readings. I know that my blood pressure just goes up much more often than it should, and I'm not as involved in the thick of it as you are. Glad you're feeling better and I can't wait for next week's School Hard poll. I'm wondering right now whether there'll be a question about Spike's infamous "you were my sire" line.... :)
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 08:38 pm (UTC)
I have discovered that there is a direct relationship between flist size and fandom stress. I've had to learn all sorts of new communication techniques as I've gotten a larger audience. Too bad I can't put it on a resume.

I'm wondering right now whether there'll be a question about Spike's infamous "you were my sire" line.... :)

*gasp*

Have you gotten ahold of my Top Secret Episode Polls in advance? How did you know that question would be on there? I can't be that predictable!
(no subject) - local_max - May. 26th, 2010 04:41 am (UTC) - Expand
terendel
May. 25th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC)
Welcome back. I missed you. I think you have a great perspective on stuff. And since I also like both Buffy and Spike, I particularly like your perspective.
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 09:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :)
unbridled_b
May. 25th, 2010 09:36 pm (UTC)
Welcome back!
gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 09:40 pm (UTC)
:) I see you posted William!ficlets while I was away. Lovely!
angearia
May. 25th, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
You're back! *tacklepounces*

Photobucket

Also, I feel my feelings on your return are best expressed in this vid:



I'll leave you to decide who is who. You can be the cute kitty if you want!


Aaaaaaaaand here's some fun stuff you might've missed:

+ An Anon Love Letters by Fictional Characters Meme (awesome!). Here's mine (Anya wrote me a love letter! Most hilarious thing ever!) and here's penny_lane_42.

+ I wrote a short gen fic about an OC Slayer in response to the Geena Davis studies we were talking about last week and how it prompted my thoughts on women's representation in BtVS. Here it is: Unqualified Applicant Need Not Apply

+ Finally, in keeping with the cute animal theme I've got going, I give you:

THE TINIEST, CUTEST MY LITTLE PONY EVER!


gabrielleabelle
May. 25th, 2010 10:50 pm (UTC)
OMG! HOMEWARD BOUND! SHADOW AND CHANCE AND SASSY!!! *falls over*

I must have watched that movie a BAZILLION TIMES when I was a kid! *loves loves loves*
(no subject) - local_max - May. 26th, 2010 04:42 am (UTC) - Expand
dragonflylady77
May. 25th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
*huggles*
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 01:20 am (UTC)
:)
eowyn_315
May. 26th, 2010 01:01 am (UTC)
Honestly, whenever I find myself ranting against Buffy-hate or the whitewashing of Spike, I'm primarily ranting against...myself. Well, against opinions I used to have. That make me cringe now.

Cause I used to be solely a Spike girl. I only saw things from his POV, and I vilified Buffy to a large extent. It took a while for my Buffy-love to develop, but it did. And it developed in addition to my Spike-love, not at its expense.


This is exactly me.

I hate how fandom sees the need to polarize into "Spike fans" and "Buffy fans" in Spuffy fandom, and I hate how Spike fans defensively react against any perceived threat (even when...there's no threat). I know the reasons. I know the bile that gets thrown at Spike fans. I've defended Spike, myself. But this defensive reaction results in a need to tiptoe around anything that may be seen as dissing on Spike, even a sympathetic defense of Buffy that doesn't at all say a bad word about Spike.

Exactly.

Cause fandom is supposed to be fun. And I wasn't having fun.

Heh, I posted something to that effect after your post.

The rant was intended to drive home the point that liking and sympathizing with Buffy is not mutually exclusive with liking and sympathizing with Spike.

YES! That was what I got out of it, and I was a little befuddled that it somehow got taken the opposite way.
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
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pocochina
May. 26th, 2010 02:19 am (UTC)
Glad you're back and doing better. :)
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 02:25 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
ssddgr
May. 26th, 2010 10:48 am (UTC)
I get the need to leave fandom for a while when it's not fun anymore, but I'm glad you're back :)

I was a Spike girl, too, but now I see them both as two people who were fucked up at a point in life (or unlife) and tried to do their best with what they were handed. They made mistakes--boy, did they--and they hurt each other, and they loved each other in their own way (or that's what I choose to believe, don't try to convince me otherwise), and I love them both, and that's enough for me... and that was a lot of "ands!"
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 11:34 am (UTC)
Yes! Word. :)
ever_neutral
May. 26th, 2010 10:59 am (UTC)
I'm glad you are back in the mix!

I hate how Spike fans defensively react against any perceived threat (even when...there's no threat). I know the reasons. I know the bile that gets thrown at Spike fans.
*wince* *nod*

Me, I find myself able to slip in and out of either character's POV. It's a crucial requirement for my OTPs *nods* In the beginning, I was mainly Spike-centric too. I just KNEW him, like *snaps fingers* It took me a looooong time to figure out that I cared about Buffy just as much, you know? It wasn't so much that I ever disliked her as much as I got angry at her for not acting 'better' than I would in certain situations. (Like that Entropy situation. I know I'm very capable of being unthinkingly cold and self-denial-y, and to see my *hero* acting that way is... not pleasant. Whatever, My Issues.) Figuring out that Buffy is actually my other favourite character was both surprising and unsurprising. But, well, duh, S5-7 are my favourites for a reason ;)
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 11:36 am (UTC)
Yeah, Buffy took me some time to figure out. I also had some personal issues with her arc in S6 at first. I needed some distance to my own depressive episode to be able to appreciate what she was going through.

She snuck up on me. Like a ninja. *nods*
rahirah
May. 26th, 2010 04:11 pm (UTC)
I hope you feel less stressed.
gabrielleabelle
May. 26th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC)
:)
ladyofthelog
May. 26th, 2010 10:53 pm (UTC)
I totally understand needing to take a break, and I'm glad you're back! *big hugs* The internet missed you!
gabrielleabelle
May. 27th, 2010 12:12 am (UTC)
:)
( 59 comments — Leave a comment )

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gabrielleabelle
The One Who Isn't Chosen

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